The topic today was what are the differences between a husband/wife and a gf/bf. Listening to a lot of people give their opinions about this topic, it seems that many don't really understand that there is a difference or at least there should be.
To me, marriage is sacred. My expectations of a wife are much more complex than they are for a girlfriend. Some of the bare essentials are the same like, do we have fun together, am I attracted to you, is the sexual chemistry on point, and most importantly, do you have potential to be someone I'd consider to be a wife and future mother of my children but there is much more to crossing over to marriage than that. You may not be there yet, but do I see potential? Because to me, that's what a bf/gf is, someone who has potential and is working towards maximizing that potential. No, they may not be where they want to be in life or where you want them to be, but they know that and are working towards it. No, they may not be perfect in all aspects with the way that you want to be treated but they understand the things that need to be changed and are working towards that. Is your current GF/BF financially where they want to be in life? Are they financially where YOU want them to be? Marriage is much more than a trip to the movies every weekend or dinner here and there. Huge responsibilities come when marriage comes into play, not just emotionally but financially. It was all good when you were doing favors for each other but now those favors have turned into expectations. Can your bf/gf handle expectations or are they turned off by having to be responsible? How are they with money? Are they responsible with it or are they careless and often stuck borrowing from others in order to pay bills essentially living in debt. How's their credit? You do intend to buy a house, right? Even though these are things that we would expect out of our wives/husbands, many of us don't think about these things when it comes to GF's and BF's.
I always say it's very important to live with someone before you get married. It's a good way to "test-drive" someone for marriage. When you're sharing a house with someone, it's very important to know that they compliment you in the household. What are your strong points and weak points? Do you complete the person you're with and do they complete you? The allure of marriage sounds lovely but very few people who actually think they are ready for such a huge responsibility, are. Can you wake up next to a person every day and not feel agitated by the site of them to the point where you feel like you have to get away just so you don't kill each other? How about the sex, yea it was easy meeting up a few times per week and "getting it on" but now you live with your significant other and see they are sex-crazed mad-man/woman. Can you deal with that? What about children, most of us have them if we're over the age of 25. Is your significant other ready to help you with the load of raising your child or do you still have to depend on your parents to do things like watching them and helping them with homework when you can't be there even though your significant other is off and free to do so if they wanted?
Marriage isn't about "you & them", it's about "us & we". Are you ready to move as a unit and answer to someone else? Yea sure, you can do whatever you want now because you're grown and pay your own bills but do you carry over that mentality when you join forces with someone? Are you able to relinquish control if your significant other wants to take charge or step up and take control if your partner is willing to give it to you? Sure, right now you guys might be living separately or coming from living separately and both work so neither of you have an issue with that but what happens when you have children? Who takes a step back and who takes a step forward from working? Two alphas will clash sooner or later. Are you ready to open up your account to someone else and transparently share your earnings in ways like having a joint account where all money is accessible to both parties? How about your mental state, are you even ready to settle down? The meaning is in the word. Settle down, to sit, relax, chill or are you and your significant other still more focused on having fun separately? These things matter.
The reason why my standards for a wife are much higher is because the collateral damage from divorce is FAR worse than it is for a GF. If I leave my wife, I could still be financially responsible for her for years after the divorce even to the point where it hinders me from ever getting married again. So why would I marry potential? What if that person never maximizes their potential? Then you're stuck with someone who won't change and is satisfied because you rewarded them with marriage when they weren't even proper material for it. And see, that's where husbands and wives set themselves apart. They are no longer potential, they are where they want to be in life. They have the job they want, their credit is where they need it to be for you both to grow and not be stuck living mediocre. They knew the things that they needed to change about themselves in order to make you completely happy and have changed in order to do that. Now you're dealing with a finished product and marriage should be the next step. Technically, once you are there, and cross over into marriage, there is no real difference between what you two were just before marriage and what you are now because you've both proven yourselves. There are legal differences. Now the government changes your status, now you are legally bound to someone else but the ground work has already been done...
I prepared this blog to help people better understand that there is a difference in how I see things. It's my opinion and is not the standard for all people but I do think there is some truth to it. Hope it helps.
Be great.
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