BF's/GF's & Husbands/Wives: Is there a difference?

There was an interesting discussion going on today and I felt the need to share my thoughts on it. Most of the time when speaking on topics on social platforms, we barely scratch the surface but more so just give quick rundowns of our beliefs regarding these matters. I tend to want to expand on these things when giving my opinion.

The topic today was what are the differences between a husband/wife and a gf/bf. Listening to a lot of people give their opinions about this topic, it seems that many don't really understand that there is a difference or at least there should be.

To me, marriage is sacred. My expectations of a wife are much more complex than they are for a girlfriend. Some of the bare essentials are the same like, do we have fun together, am I attracted to you, is the sexual chemistry on point, and most importantly, do you have potential to be someone I'd consider to be a wife and future mother of my children but there is much more to crossing over to marriage than that. You may not be there yet, but do I see potential? Because to me, that's what a bf/gf is, someone who has potential and is working towards maximizing that potential. No, they may not be where they want to be in life or where you want them to be, but they know that and are working towards it. No, they may not be perfect in all aspects with the way that you want to be treated but they understand the things that need to be changed and are working towards that. Is your current GF/BF financially where they want to be in life? Are they financially where YOU want them to be? Marriage is much more than a trip to the movies every weekend or dinner here and there. Huge responsibilities come when marriage comes into play, not just emotionally but financially. It was all good when you were doing favors for each other but now those favors have turned into expectations. Can your bf/gf handle expectations or are they turned off by having to be responsible? How are they with money? Are they responsible with it or are they careless and often stuck borrowing from others in order to pay bills essentially living in debt. How's their credit? You do intend to buy a house, right? Even though these are things that we would expect out of our wives/husbands, many of us don't think about these things when it comes to GF's and BF's.

I always say it's very important to live with someone before you get married. It's a good way to "test-drive" someone for marriage. When you're sharing a house with someone, it's very important to know that they compliment you in the household. What are your strong points and weak points? Do you complete the person you're with and do they complete you? The allure of marriage sounds lovely but very few people who actually think they are ready for such a huge responsibility, are. Can you wake up next to a person every day and not feel agitated by the site of them to the point where you feel like you have to get away just so you don't kill each other? How about the sex, yea it was easy meeting up a few times per week and "getting it on" but now you live with your significant other and see they are sex-crazed mad-man/woman. Can you deal with that? What about children, most of us have them if we're over the age of 25. Is your significant other ready to help you with the load of raising your child or do you still have to depend on your parents to do things like watching them and helping them with homework when you can't be there even though your significant other is off and free to do so if they wanted?

Marriage isn't about "you & them", it's about "us & we". Are you ready to move as a unit and answer to someone else? Yea sure, you can do whatever you want now because you're grown and pay your own bills but do you carry over that mentality when you join forces with someone? Are you able to relinquish control if your significant other wants to take charge or step up and take control if your partner is willing to give it to you? Sure, right now you guys might be living separately or coming from living separately and both work so neither of you have an issue with that but what happens when you have children? Who takes a step back and who takes a step forward from working? Two alphas will clash sooner or later. Are you ready to open up your account to someone else and transparently share your earnings in ways like having a joint account where all money is accessible to both parties? How about your mental state, are you even ready to settle down? The meaning is in the word. Settle down, to sit, relax, chill or are you and your significant other still more focused on having fun separately? These things matter.

The reason why my standards for a wife are much higher is because the collateral damage from divorce is FAR worse than it is for a GF. If I leave my wife, I could still be financially responsible for her for years after the divorce even to the point where it hinders me from ever getting married again. So why would I marry potential? What if that person never maximizes their potential? Then you're stuck with someone who won't change and is satisfied because you rewarded them with marriage when they weren't even proper material for it. And see, that's where husbands and wives set themselves apart. They are no longer potential, they are where they want to be in life. They have the job they want, their credit is where they need it to be for you both to grow and not be stuck living mediocre. They knew the things that they needed to change about themselves in order to make you completely happy and have changed in order to do that. Now you're dealing with a finished product and marriage should be the next step. Technically, once you are there, and cross over into marriage, there is no real difference between what you two were just before marriage and what you are now because you've both proven yourselves. There are legal differences. Now the government changes your status, now you are legally bound to someone else but the ground work has already been done...

I prepared this blog to help people better understand that there is a difference in how I see things. It's my opinion and is not the standard for all people but I do think there is some truth to it. Hope it helps.

Be great.

Is Chivalry Dead?

chiv·al·ry (shvl-r)
n. pl. chiv·al·ries
1. The medieval system, principles, and customs of knighthood.
2.
a. The qualities idealized by knighthood, such as bravery, courtesy, honor, and gallantry toward women.
b. A manifestation of any of these qualities.
3. A group of knights or gallant gentlemen.

So you're coming home from what seems to be another "dead end date". The guy you're dating was a good 30 minutes late picking you up, when he arrived to your humble abode, he presumed to honk several times, and when you came to his car, he simply unlocked his door from the inside informing you that it was unlocked and that it was ok to get in. So you get in his car and continue on with your date as planned. His musical choice, although not something you're not accustomed to is definitely not something you'd expect on the first date. He's taking you to a restaurant, nice! But when you get there, much like when he picked you up, he failed to open your car door once again, failed to open the door to the restaurant, and he also failed to pull out your chair to the table that you guys were sitting at. But are all men like this? Is chivalry really dead? Who's to blame?

The times have definitely changed, that is something that we cannot disagree on. Those of us who grew up in 2 parent homes may have witnessed a certain balance in our households. Our fathers bore the brunt of the financial burden, they seemed to work more, to be more in charge of our safety, when things broke down, he was the one to fix it, or at least try. There was always a certain aura about our fathers that stood out and gave us the impression that he was indeed the last line of defense regarding all situations. Our mothers, well they were our nurturers. When things went wrong or we were sick, they were the ones to console us, when we were hungry they were the ones that fed us, always the ones that were checking on us ensuring that we were okay. They appeared much more fragile than our fathers and often even if we had the support of our mothers regarding something important, our fathers support is what seemed to matter the most regarding the decisions that were made. Those of us who grew up in single parent homes may have witnessed something completely different. We saw our parents as strong independent figures who didn't rely off of the opposite sex to get the job done. One parent was enough and it taught us independence growing up and that we didn't necessarily need the opposite sex for anything outside of our physical desires much like our parents.

Before the late 70's & 80's hit and drugs literally tore apart our communities, we saw strong family values. Getting divorced was shunned upon, parents stuck it out through thick and thin and many of the children in those generations born and raised before that era had been accustomed to that. The majority of us born during the 80's or after are more susceptible to being raised in single parent homes and are being raised with a more independent mindset. In the 50's, 60's & 70's, a woman, regardless of what aspirations she might have had, might have been prepared more for running a household from within where now she might be prepared for actually running a household in its entirety. Maybe her mother was abandoned by her father and now feels she must teach her daughter not to rely on men as much as she did at a young age so she might not prep her daughter to cater to a man. She'd much rather prep her daughter to be strong and independent and when she's done taking care of herself, then she should focus on a man. That's just a theory though. Overtime men have lost the very edge that we once possessed, the work field is more equal now than it's ever been. In a lot of cases, the woman is bringing in more than the man. The only distinction between us and them now is our physical stature and brute strength.

"chivalry died with the rise of the independent woman. Think about it, the more independent women got, the less chivalrous men got. It's a direct correlation. In general men are probably less likely to be chivalrous because women don't need us anymore."~@KenHarley/twitter

Although that is just an opinion of one man, I know many men who feel the exact same way. Women have assumed a more dominant role in the household and now feel it isn't necessary for them to cater to men the way that their mothers and/or grandmothers once did, and why should they? They wake up in the morning just like us, they go to work just like us and work just as many hours as us. Who's to say they aren't tired when they get home? Ladies, you have that right however, there is a cause and effect to that and you must come to terms with it.

Women on a large scale have stopped catering to men so in turn, men have stopped courting women. The little things we used to do to win you over, many of us don't do anymore. What happened to women being sensitive, consoling, supportive, not just psychologically supportive but physically as well. Nowadays a man breaks his back to support his family only to come home to a woman who won't massage it because she's affected by those same ailments. What happened to the men who carried your groceries, took out your garbage when it was full, pumped your gas, opened up your doors etc? Have these types disappeared? The desire for those virtues are still there, that's for sure. Catering will always make a man feel special, no matter how emotionally disconnected he may seem to be and courting will always make a woman feel special, no matter how independent and hardened her stance is. It's part of our "chemical makeup". These attributes aren't dead, they live within us, we've just buried them deep within our psyches due to the lack of the need to use them.

"Woman now more than ever have a voice, but very few are saying the right things.."

I open doors, pull out chairs, take out the trash, cook what I can, and protect the woman in my life at all costs but not all women are worth that. Are you? This is a question you must ask yourself. What kind of signals are you giving men? What does he think of when he sees and hears you. Does he think Lady, woman, or girl. Now, some of you may be asking what the difference is, rightfully so. To me, a girl is nothing more than the sex of a person, what you were born as. It's not determined by the level of maturity a person possesses or her characteristics. A girl's level of maturity, physically and mentally is what makes her a woman. She's grown, she works and pays her own bills. She's fully developed physically and mentally. A lady, well that is something that all women have a choice of being. It's not so much a matter of maturity, it's more so a choice of character. You have a choice of how you conduct yourself, your demeanor, your tone, how you speak, the language you use, the music you listen to, your etiquette. Chances are, a man will operate solely based on the vibe he gets from you. If he feels that you demand that kind of respect a lady should receive then he will give it to you but why should he if you're listening to music that degrades women? Why should he if your refer to yourself as a "bitch" regardless of whether "bad" comes before it or not? Why should he treat you with any class if you don't exude any level of class yourself? Why should he speak to you like a lady and every other word out of your mouth is profane. It's not often that you will find a man that is willing to treat you as a lady regardless of how you display yourself. There are men like that out there but they are rare. Set a standard for yourself and live by it. Being a lady should be a way of life for you.

"Niggas don't open doors anymore or pull out chairs, chivalry is dead.."

You're right, "niggas" don't do those things but men do. You have to be selective when dating. I know the neck/face tats, high use or profanity, and the entire "bad boy" image is intriguing to you but do you really expect him to be chivalrous? Start judging the men you date off of substance not just whatever is visually appealing. The more serious he is about life, the more serious he will be about love. Also, older men might work better for you because I believe men mature slower than women. The older the man is, the more grasp he has on what manhood is.

It's not uncommon for a woman to have the right individual in her life who might be the perfect gentleman but she be completely oblivious to the fact that he is because to her, he's just a friend. She thinks he's nice and a good friend to have so what does she do? She places him in the "friend zone".

If what you want at the end of the day is a nice guy, then you have to stop looking at nice guys solely as friendship material. There is a difference between a guy being nice and him being a "pushover". Don't date a pushover, but that guy who listens to all of the issues you have with other men, who gives you a shoulder to lean on when you need one, who's there for any advice you are in need of is probably the kind of guy you need to be dating if you're serious about finding something of substance.

"I've been to every club/bar in the city and there just doesn't seem to be any good men.."

Where you are meeting men plays a large role. Not because good men don't exist in these places but the setting might not require him to act as if he's seriously looking for a "lady". Good men do go to clubs but what do they go to clubs looking for, something long term or short term? Also, how presentable are you in a club, are you sending off signals of someone looking for something long term or short term? If you're wearing something too revealing, drunk to the point where you are stumbling as you walk, speaking too loudly while using profanity, you are sending off the wrong signals to someone who is most likely already looking for something short term.

"It's just twitter"

How much time do you actually spend on social networks? Do you look at social networks as a possible avenue to pursue something real? If you spend a lot of time on social networks, then you should. However, you must realize that the way you conduct yourself will affect your chances of finding a man that will actually want to treat you like a lady. Think of it this way. If you are a rabbit in a turtle race, are you really going to try as hard as you can in order to win the race when you don't have to? That's how most men are with women. Men don't have to try as hard with most women because we don't feel you exhibit the necessary qualities of someone who deserves our best.

Look, bottom line, a lot of women fail to realize that they get treated the way they do because they don't set standards for themselves. If you have no standards for yourself, you can't have high standards regarding men. "Date your equal". Whatever you feel that you are putting out, find the same in a man and don't settle for less or expect more. Men and women in today's age are in a tugawar of who's going to give more first. You will never affect change that way. The most affective way to change something is to start with yourself and lead by example. As I said before, these qualities are in us but they are dormant much like the natural instincts of a lion or tiger who's been trained over time not to harm humans. If you antagonize this lion, sooner or later those natural instincts will come out. Yes, men have to start making women feel like women again but women have to start making us feel like men again as well. Start with yourself. Chivalry isn't dead, it's very much alive, just waiting for the right set of individuals to wake it up.

Be great.

(This is just my personal opinion and is not meant to be taken as fact. I'm not a doctor or counselor, just one man sharing my thoughts. Hope it helps)

Single Parents & Dating

It's Friday night, you just got off of work and you're ready to spend some nice quality time with you new boyfriend/girlfriend. So you call him/her and they tell you that plans fell through and they have their child but that you're more than welcomed to still come over. Not exactly what you had in mind for a nice chill friday where you'd rather just relax minus the child..

Dating a single parent can be a very delicate situation. Children always come first mainly because they aren't able yet to take care of themselves and require a lot of attention especially at a young age. However, this does not mean that a single parent cannot balance being in a relationship all while being the parent their child needs them to be. I always recommend that single parents should try dating other single parents because they understand the struggle when it comes to dating. I've been in 3 relationships in my entire life. One where I was the guy dating a single parent, another where I was the single parent dating someone without kids (which was hell I might add), and then as a single parent dating another single parent. The easiest one of the 3 choices was being a single parent dating another single parent. The connection was stronger because we had something that was such a huge part of our lives bring us together and instead of children being a burden, it became a plus when both children were around.

Now, If you don't have children, and are interesting in someone that does, or do have children and interested in someone who does not, there are some things you need to consider when dating a single parent.

The Package Deal

First and foremost, when dating single parent, you must realize that you aren't only taking on a new girlfriend or boyfriend, but eventually you will be taking on their child as well. If you do have serious intentions with this person it is imperative that you consider if you are ready for such a huge responsibility. Depending on the situation, there might not be a lot of free time for each of you to spend alone and that can bring a lot of stress onto a new relationship if there isn't any balance. Do you like kids? Does your ideal woman have any kids or would you prefer to start a family from the ground up as opposed to being an addition to someone else's? These are some of the things you must ask yourself when considering dating a single parent. Weigh your options before things get serious mainly because kids can get attached to you as well and might not understand why you aren't coming around anymore when things don't work out with their mother or father.

The Introduction

When is it a good time to bring your children around someone you're considering dating? I wouldn't recommend bringing them around too soon but I wouldn't wait too long either. Sometimes we as parents are so overprotective of our children that we wait months to bring them around someone who we are involved with and that can be very dangerous. Why? Well, you have to take into account that your child is a huge part of your life and now you are considering bringing someone new into that picture. Shouldn't you be concerned if they will get along? What if your child hates them? What if they don't like your child? Finding out that this person that seemed so perfect for you has no chemistry with your child can be really stressful. Needless to say, your relationship will probably never grow. That doesn't mean you should introduce them to everybody you're dating, especially if you are a "serial dater". Give yourself time to get to know the person you're dating before you allow your child to get to know them. When the time is right and you have a full grasp on who the person you are dating is and consider them a serious candidate, pull the trigger. It doesn't have to be an all day thing, it can be brief but when you do allow them to meet, pay attention to them as they interact. Is your new love interest showing any sort of interest in the child or do they appear uninterested? Keep in mind that not everybody is great with kids, especially if they've never had any of their own. So be careful not to read too much into these signs because it very well could be a learning experience for them.

Children can run a good man or woman out of your life very quickly if you allow them so when it comes to your child meeting someone new, have a talk with them before hand, remember when it comes to your child and understanding, communication is key. Let them know that it's important to you that they be respectful at all times. Rudeness is not "cute" and shouldn't be tolerated. It can be an awkward situation for your significant other if your child is being rude to them in front of you. That's you're job to handle that, not theirs.

If you are dating someone with children and the time comes where you are to meet the child, be enthusiastic, keep the communication going, keep the questions coming, show the child's parent that you have interest in not only her or him but the child as well.

Quality time vs Family time

When you are a single parent and are involved with someone, it is important that you balance the time you share with your child and the time you spend with your significant other. Kids always come first however, you don't want your significant other to feel alienated when they are around or feel that they can't come around because you never seem to have enough time for them. There should be a good amount of time spent between you, the child and your significant other, you and the child, and you and your significant other. If your significant other is making strides to spend time with you and your child, make time for them. Set a bed time for your children so that your partner can know that at a certain time, they are sure to get some time with you, alone. Go out and do things. Remember, your relationship with one another must still be able to grow even when children are in the picture. Never get comfortable in thinking that once your partner has been introduced to your child that they won't expect a little quality alone time here and there.

If you are dating someone with a child, understand that they might not always have time for you separate from the child. Be understanding and don't alienate yourself when you can't get time alone with your partner. Make sure that you suggest things that include not only your partner, but the child as well from time to time. Look for children's events that are coming to town, try some amusement parks, suggest going to the play park or movies.

One instance where it can be very difficult to bond with a child is when the child is of the opposite sex. Not only is their a huge gap between your age and theirs, but the activities depending on the sex of the child can very. Little girls might not be as rough as boys, they might like playing in makeup and watching child shows that cater to them more. Boys might be rough, into physical interaction and like watching and playing sports more. Compromise must be made on both ends.

If you are the person dating a single parent, partake in those activities with the child. Do the things that they like to do from time to time even if the activities aren't necessarily things you're into, compromise.

If you are the single parent, compromise on your end as well. Make sure that sometimes you and the child do things that your partner likes to do, watch things that they have interest in if they are child friendly.

Who's the boss?

I remember one instance where I was at a friends house with my daughter who's 5. My friend, in a playing manner threw something at me, and my daughter who didn't really understand why the object was thrown went ballistic to say the least.

As overprotective as we can be with our children you'd be surprised how protective they are over us. Not only are children overprotective but they are very territorial, especially in single parent homes. Your child might not be used to seeing you so close to someone else and might find ways to lash out if they either feel you are in harms way or if they aren't getting enough attention. In many cases, a child can very well dictate what you can and cannot do when they are in you and your significant other's presence, but only if you let them. Remember, you're the parent, they are the child. Now, it's a child so of course there are limitations on what you should allow your child to see. I don't think you and your partner should be "lip locking" with your child as a spectator but I don't think you should have to sit on opposite ends of the room either. Find a respectful balance to where your child and significant other are not left out or feeling like there is such a drastic change whenever you're all together.

If you are the one dating a single parent, you should understand that you can't do certain things or act a certain way with your partner in front of children. If the child's bedtime is set at a decent hour, you should have plenty of time to share more intimate moments with your significant other. Make sure that you don't just come around when it's bedtime, make it a point to be there before. Dedicate a little time to the child and you will get yours.

Drama Drama Drama

In some cases, "baby momma/daddy" drama can be so intense that it's best to cut your losses and move on, however, if the situation is manageable and there isn't any drama or very little drama, make sure to stay out of it if you're the one dating someone with children. Leave those issues to your significant other and the person they share the child with because that is someone that is going to be around for a very long time depending on how old the child is and definitely isn't someone you want to be at odds with if you have serious intentions in the relationship.

It's a very delicate situation when you're dating someone who has a child and both parents are still in the picture. Even though it's a huge part of being a single parent, no one wants to find out that someone else is doing their part when it comes to raising their child so be mindful of that, don't get in the way, if anything, just assist them both in parenting. Be there for the child but also know when to back off. Be respectful and let the other party know you are there to assist them with raising their child and not that you have your own agenda in doing so because that's where the drama begins. If you and your significant other are living together, there are certain things you will have to be in charge of in terms of household rules and things that need immediate decisions, but major decisions should be left up to the child's parents.

If you are a single parent and dating, and the child's mother or father is in the child's life, at some point it might be best to introduce them to your significant other. It can ease a parents mind to know who the person is that is around their child and assisting you both with raising them and just like you communicated with the child about how important it is that they be respectful to your significant other, the same must be done to your child's mother or father.

An instance that can cause problems in a relationship with a single parent where both parents are heavily involved is when both parents think it's important that they spend time together with the child. I grew up in a single parent home and I can't really remember seeing my mother or father in the same room together but I do wish I did. Some parents feel that that is important and if you are dating a single parent be respectful of that. There will be times where your significant other and their child's father or mother will be around each other for an extended amount of time and you shouldn't get in the way of that as long as they include you. If you decline, that's your call but it's not right for you to stop these gatherings from happening just because you don't want to be there. It's about the child in this case and not you. If you do decide to go, be there but try not to go overboard when it comes to being involved with their interaction. Your significant other invited you and that should be enough to let you know that nothing out of the ordinary is going on.

If you are a single parent and do feel that it's important that you and the person you share a child with spend time together with the child every now and then, do so but include your significant other in these outings. This shouldn't be a problem for either parent if these gatherings are about the child. Also, understand that everything should have a limit. If you feel that it is necessary that you and your child's father/mother spend time every weekend for family nights then perhaps you both should consider being an actual family. These occasions shouldn't be that often to where there is a strict routine you follow. That's okay for individuals who are single but not the best idea if you have serious intentions with someone new.

Control Issues

Many times in a single parent home especially if the other parent isn't in the picture or is barely in the picture, the single parent is reluctant to give up control when it comes to how their child should be raised. A child being raised by 1 parent could very well upset the balance that that child needs to have. Although you might be a strong women or man and think you can do it all, there is nothing wrong with getting help or a different opinion from your significant other on important issues and by letting go of your control and allowing your significant other to know that his or her opinion is important. Doing so will only strengthen your relationship and the relationship they have with the child. Remember, you chose to be with this person and believe that they are a good enough man or woman for not only you but to bring around your child so you should trust them enough to make sound decisions when it comes to them.

Dating a single parent or being a single parent can be a very tough situation but making it work is not impossible. We want to live for our children but not at the expense of our lives. You definitely don't want to end up old and alone because you dedicated your life to your child. If you're someone who doesn't have children, you definitely don't want the fact that someone does stop you from being in a relationship when they could be great for you.

I'm not a doctor, relationship or children's counselor, I'm just a normal everyday guy who has my own opinion based on trial and error in my personal life. The talking points and solutions that I've written about have worked for me and I thought it would be a great topic to speak on. Read at your discretion.

Be great.

Does social networking ruin relationships?

So I'm on the train home from work, normal Saturday. 40-50 people in a space that's no bigger than your average apartment, but the only sound I hear is the sound of the wheels of the train grinding up against the train rails. Everyone's eyes facing downward as they are engulfed in their phones, texting, tweeting, facebooking, instagraming etc. But there is nothing wrong with entertaining yourself on a train full of people you've never met and don't know. But how does this affect relationships with people you do know...?

Interesting question. I don't think it is directly related to ruining relationships because I do think relationships can flourish even when social networking is in the picture. It's 2013, we all have something, whether a twitter, a Facebook or whatever else the kids are using these days, it's harder to find someone who isn't engulfed in their phone even when they are in the presence of their significant other.

But let's look at the bigger picture here. Social networking does have a profound affect on communication in a few ways, both good and bad. The good part about it is it allows you to keep in touch with people you would otherwise lose touch with like childhood friends, distant family members and such. But how does it affect a close relationship? How does it affect communication with someone you have to see everyday?

Not only does it affect communication when you are in the presence of your partner but also when you aren't in their presence. Often people would rather tweet or post a status to friends or strangers rather than entertain the person in front of them. How many times have you been at a restaurant and witnessed a couple sitting across from one another both on their phones paying no attention to one another? I've seen it plenty of times.

Before social networking was what it is today, the average couple had to communicate with each other in order to see what the other was doing or how they were feeling or if something was troubling them or made them happy throughout the day. At that time, you and others they had personal relationships with were their outlet, but now, your partner is more likely to share that information with others rather than with you. Yes, you can ask how your partner's day was but you already know how it was because it was posted. You can ask what they are doing but you already know because that was posted as well. I've seen posts from people in relationships telling the world that they are "horny". Well, shouldn't you be communicating that to your partner? Did you? Sometimes, couples try to bait each other by expressing their feelings or needs online instead of approaching one another. An example of that is when your significant other starts off a post with "who wants to..........?" When the activity clearly warrants the opposite sex to answer. They aren't really interested in anybody else answering though, they want their partner to see it and respond. You couldn't just ask them that?

Remember the days where if you had an issue in your relationship, you approached your partner to work it out? It seems like that was so long ago. Now people are more likely to take their issues with their partner to a social network, sometimes even before their significant other knows that there is a problem. Involving the world in personal issues with your significant other will only do more harm than good. A large % of the people that see that you two have issues are happy you have them. Always communicate with each other.

Another reason why I think it hurts relationships is it disrupts the ability to miss your significant other. I mean, how can you possibly miss someone when every time you log in to your account you see them posting their thoughts? The ability to miss each other throughout a day is actually very healthy to a relationship because it allows you to "reboot your feelings". Like eating or exercising, you need a break at some point. Catch up with each other on your lunch break, then when you get off of work, again. Oh yea, you don't have to "catch up" because you know everything your significant other did throughout an entire 24 hour period without them uttering one word to you about it. But you'll just act like you didn't see any of it just to create conversation. We've all done it. (Their post): "got the job!". (You ask hours later): "babe, you get the job?", Already knowing they did. Whelp.

But what kind of psychological affect does that have? How do you feel personally if your significant other is ready to share things with everyone before they share them on a personal level with you? I'm no rocket scientist but I can imagine it would make you feel a bit unimportant. I could be wrong though. As friends FIRST and then lovers, we want to be the first to know about things, to feel important or more important than someone they don't know from a can of paint. You're their emotional rock, you should know what's troubling your significant other or why they are all of a sudden "in a great mood".

One thing that I'm sure affects a lot of people is instances where they haven't talked to their significant other in hours yet they've seen tons of posts in between that time. They haven't thought about you once? Here they are laughing it up with everyone of the same and opposite sex and there you are just waiting for them to think about you enough to text or call. I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual, too. You're both twiddling your thumbs waiting on the other person to text or call or even use the social platform to make contact but do they need to? They have enough people to occupy their time if you choose not to. If you have enough friends and family on Facebook or followers on twitter and Instagram, no question goes unanswered, and no photo goes without comment. So essentially, you're happy with not communicating if the other party doesn't make the move, first. It doesn't help at all that when you finally do reach out to your significant other, they are so involved in their social networking, your texts are often ignored or just simply not seen. That can ruin your day.

One of the leading causes for "online drama" is flirting with the opposite sex while in a relationship. There is no standard for disrespect, that's all up to the couple involved and the standards that they have set when it comes to social networking and their relationship. If your significant other is uncomfortable with you flirting online, the simple fix would be to stop. If it was only that simple, though. The issue with that is, for starters, in today's age a lot of relationships stem from online dating and that flirtatious nature is usually what draws one person to another but now that you're in a relationship with this person you're demanding that it stops and that can be difficult to do if their "online personality" consists of flirting and heavy communication with the opposite sex. Essentially, if they put an end to flirting, they become less and less social. It's a catch 22 because the things that drew you to a person that you loved so much about them now irks you because it also draws in the opposite sex. Although true, when your relationship status changes, some personal habits must change as well for your relationship to stay afloat.

A lot of people tend to separate social media from real life, "it's just twitter..". No, it's not. You met each other using the same exact methods you are using with others while in a relationship. It wasn't "just twitter" then, it's not just twitter now. Knowing that can make a person very uncomfortable when it comes to flirting online. Very few people ever learn to separate the two. We use these platforms for entertainment purposes but they can become very real very quick and your relationship is a living testament to that.

There is no simple solution to solving the issues regarding relationships and social networking especially if your significant other is a heavy user. I would recommend filtering out your significant other a little. Create groups or lists that include your favorite people that you can read without seeing your partner. Now that does not excuse flirting. Flirting should not be tolerated, if that is a standard that you have, stick by it and if they aren't willing to work at the relationship, why are you working so hard to keep it? Share your innermost feelings with you partner, first. Keep them involved with things that have happened or things that you plan on doing. Social networks should get that information second. And yes sadly, some information shouldn't be shared at all, have a filter. Men and women expressing how good their "sex game" is or women mentioning how big their breasts or booty is, men their penises, is probably not something you should want to share with the world. If you're not getting the attention you'd like or being complimented enough, and are using a social network to fill the void, communicate that to them, give them a chance to change.

Have fun, be social, but not at the expense of your relationship. If Whatever method you choose helps your relationship grow, I'm sure your partner will understand or at least they should. Don't let social networking outlast your relationship...

Be great.

(These are just the opinions of one man and not to be taken as facts. Read with your own discretion.)