Dating is fun, adventurous, and purposeful if you're in it for the right reasons. Often times people complicate things by thinking too much, by guessing instead of listening and applying. Over the 32 years that I've lived, I would say that I've listened and learned more than I've spoken and taught and one thing I've learned is that humans whether male or female, regardless of race or culture, our chemical make up is often times the same. Women on a large scale respond the same to similar things the way that men do. Like how stroking our egos makes us feel powerful and how telling a woman she is beautiful makes her feel appreciated and recognized. It's who we are and once we start working towards understanding the differences between each other instead of trying to change one another, we will see positive results.
Below, I've prepared some simple steps to help others the way they've helped me when it comes to dating.
10. Sense Of Humor:
"Humor is infectious. The sound of roaring laughter is far more contagious than any cough, sniffle, or sneeze. When laughter is shared, it binds people together and increases happiness and intimacy." ~Helpguide.org
This is very true. A good sense of humor can be used to ease a tense situation like a first date. If one is shy, laughter can be effective when trying to break the ice. Sense of humor goes both ways being that you might not always be on the giving end of a joke. Be receptive, don't be dry, DON'T BE A "GOOFBALL"! Life in general can be deep to some and if you're joking all of the time and being too much of a comedian, she might not take you seriously. Remember, too much of anything can lead to you being categorized and placed in a box, i.e "The funny guy". Stay neutral it keeps them guessing and intrigued to learn more about you.
9. Honesty:
"If you spend your entire life being honest – about what you desire, about what you think, about where you want to go, about how you want to get there, and taking action to create that life – your honesty will be empowering, it will be compelling, it will inspire, enthuse, and motivate others, and women will want to be around you" ~attractioninstitute.com
We grow up seeing the "players" with all of the girls. The guys who lie and deceive seem to have a way with women but love is a game to them where they constantly have to outsmart women to have an edge. But see, you aren't a player, you aren't trying to manipulate multiple women in order for them to like you or give you a chance, just 1.
Women love honesty. They are intrigued by a man who lives by his word and will only tell them what they want to hear if he means it. It makes you easy to come talk to and that honest communication can build a strong bond between the two of you. Give her a chance to decide based on your honesty. You might be surprised at the results.
8. Presentation:
Imagine walking into a restaurant, when you get in, you stand for about 10 minutes before you are even helped, when you are helped, the waiter has an attitude, and then when you get your food it looks NOTHING like how it did on the menu. Then, imagine the waiter expecting a tip.
Well this is exactly how some men approach how they present themselves to women which often leaves them wondering why there's no second date, why she ignores all of your calls, and why she won't text back. You are the flat cheeseburger with the condiments placed sloppily that looks nothing like the picture you painted.
"Presentation is such a big thing. Present yourself respectfully and dress appropriately." -@Teishbaby/twitter
Imagine walking into another restaurant, this time you are greeted upon entry, helped immediately, and the food looks exactly like how it appears on the menu. This is obviously an establishment that cares about it's customers.
Smelling good and looking good for the occasion is huge because they are the threshold of a first impression. Before you say a word, before you sit down and eat and share your innermost feelings, she will most likely judge you based on dress and hygiene. If this is a "lady" you are dealing with, make sure you match her on that level with your presentation.
Although dress and hygiene are huge, proper etiquette is just as important when it comes to presentation. Language and manners all play a part. If she gets the impression that you don't think highly of her enough to care how you come across, the date might be over before it started.
7. Listening:
So you're sitting across from a woman who's extremely attractive. Her cleavage is out, her smile as beautiful as the perfect sunrise and her eyes glisten like a diamond reflecting sunlight. It's pretty hard to focus especially on a first date where you barely know the person and you're seeing their beauty in person for the first time. Assuming you're into this woman, be INTO her, not just physically, intellectually as well. Listen to what she's telling you.
Men often find themselves guessing when all they had to do was listen. The clues were laid out. She told you what food she liked the most, she told you her favorite color, her favorite places to go, places she wants to go that she hasn't gone to yet, the kind of men she likes, and one's she dislikes.
"Well it's simple. I'd feel disrespected if a man didn't listen to me when I had something to say. I would feel respected and valued if he did listen." -Lucy Bea
Nothing makes them happier than you remembering those little things because honestly, she thought you would forget like most would. It shows you pay attention to what she's saying and that means you are genuinely in it for the right reasons....
6. Consistency & communication:
Communication in its entirety is important. Women, no matter what they tell you like attention and that's not necessarily a bad thing. They want to know that they are on our minds first thing in the morning and before we call it a night. Communication should go both ways of course and should be consistent, even if not constant. If communication is inconsistent it could cause her to second guess things. Perhaps yesterday you guys talked all day and today you guys haven't talked at all. She texted you good morning and it took you a few hours to respond where as yesterday you responded right away. Today you seemed short with your responses where as yesterday you seemed very interested in the conversation. In her mind she's thinking "what happened?" but in your mind you don't think anything is different because this kind of inconsistent communication is normal to you. Perhaps you have a good reason and if so communicate that to her.
"Consistent communication is EVERYTHING. when a guy is inconsistent or doesn't bother to inquire why I'm so moody it hurts my feelings and I end up falling back. I want him to expect that I'm moody but also send a "thinking about yo crazy self" text just so I know he hasn't forgotten about me" ~@candy_fiend/twitter
Women tend to think too much while men don't think enough so while you're off enjoying your day and not cognoscente of your inconsistent behavior, she is wondering what she did to cause it. Be consistent.
5. Self Value:
I'm sure you've heard of the saying "nice guys finish last". This is partly true. But don't take it in the way that most do and think that the polite, considerate, caring guy doesn't attract women because he does. Believe it or not, there are a lot of men who have those qualities but the problem is often times it comes with a lack of self-value in those same men.
"I feel that they(pushovers) are boring and without a backbone sometimes. I have dated one in the past & I got tired of hearing “do whatever you want to do” ALL the time. I prefer when men have an opinion on things. I prefer when they know the things they like & don’t like. It’s better that way. I need them to have a voice and not just be a “yes man”." ~@_Pretty_Pisces/twitter
Treating a woman like a queen without looking at yourself like a King could lead to you being "used" and thrown away. A man who doesn't value himself is looked at as a pushover, someone who's weak and doesn't stand up for himself. As a man and future head of the household, you can't be weak. Women want the kind, caring, considerate guy but they also want a challenge. Authority isn't given, it's taken. So be kind, caring, and considerate, but also be vocal, stern, and strong at the same time.
4. Date ideas:
"In order to go places you've never gone, you must do things you've never done.." I use this quote, not literally but figuratively. A desirable woman has been on few dates in her lifetime. The average date would most likely consist of a movie, a dinner etc. She's done this a million times, trust me. You basically entered into the date with zero points and you ended it with zero points. Things that take little thought rarely get great results. Instead of the usual, think of something you've never done before. If it's new to you, it could also be new to her and in the beginning stages, impression is big. The purpose of a first date is to get to know each other so sitting quietly in a theatre watching a movie probably isn't the best idea anyways. Some good but not often used date ideas are picnics, long walk'n talks along scenic areas, cooking classes, hiking, museums, aquariums, etc.. Honestly, some of the best dates are when you simply invite her along to do things you do frequently anyways that way it isn't forced and she can get to know a piece of you that you are passionate about but whatever you do, think outside of the box, stand out.
3. The Jab:
Here you are, on date 3 or 4, and you have her right where you want her. She's obviously into you because you've gone on several dates. The problem is, you still haven't made a move and I'm sure she's waiting. You're trying to be nice and respectful which is good but if you don't strike while the iron is hot, she might start seeing your bond as more of a friendship than a possible relationship, hence the term, "friendzone". I have a simple way of avoiding the friendzone without being too forward and I call it "the jab". You might be familiar with this term as it relates to boxing. The jab is used to keep your opponent at bey so that they don't get too comfortable. It's also used to test how your opponent will react to advances. When dealing with women, the jab has a similar purpose. Being flirtatious is healthy for the growth of a new dating experience. Whether it's words, a gesture, or harmless contact, It let's her know you are attracted to her more than just intellectually and can give you a sense of when it might be time to throw a knockout punch(a sexual advance).
A woman's guard is usually up when she isn't comfortable with you and the more comfortable she gets with you the more those guards come down but, without being flirtatious or throwing these jabs, you might find it hard to gauge when you should strike due to her guard still being up. And trust me, there's nothing more awkward than coming out of nowhere with a sexual advance. When things are gradual, they tend to happen more naturally which is always best.
2. Patience:
Although it's extremely crucial to avoid the friendzone, you want to equally avoid the creepzone. Coming on too fast could scare her away before she ever gets interested. Coming on too strong sexually or talking relationship too soon is a turnoff if her intentions are to simply get to know you better. We all have an agenda but everything has a process and short cuts can definitely cut things short. The object is to get to know her while progressing gradually through different phases. Showing patience will make her feel like you are genuinely interested in building something long term which is the goal.
1. Self Evaluation:
I left this last because it might be the most important of all. Throughout this blog I've talked about steps you take while dating but perhaps the most important of all is the one you should take before you choose to date in the first place, self evaluation.
We often place unrealistic value upon ourselves based on what we "feel" we deserve and not what we realistically deserve. If you're not in shape or active, financially stable, own a car, have your own place, with realistic goals and a plan to match, what kind of woman are you attracting, exactly? Furthermore, we can't expect someone who has all of that together to settle for us if we don't. Working on who you are and what you have to offer can only increase your chances with women so be the best version of you there is. Because, why strive to be the person people will settle for, when we can be the one they wanted all along. That makes steps 2-10 so much easier. So get in shape, have some realistic goals because you can not reel in the big fish using cheap bait.
(I'm in no way shape or form a Professional. I don't have all of the answers but I share what works for me..)
Be Great..
