Whatever happened to meeting someone who's real, being honest about who they are and maintaining who they are throughout the remainder of the relationship. Nowadays it seems everyone that's in a relationship is unhappy and everybody that's not in one wants to be in one.
But see, there's this idea in every single person's head that this fairytale relationship is easy to obtain. That because they are ready to be real with someone that finding someone that can be real should be easy. And the truth is, it's not. The truth is, the majority of relationships will go through these 4 stages that I'm going to list below.
Maybe I'm tainted by my own experiences and others close to me. Maybe I see the world through a different lense. Maybe I just call it like I see. You tell me.
The Dating Phase
Ah yes, two people finally meet. They spend long hours on the phone talking about interests, goals, whatever expectations they have and it just seems like there's nothing they don't have in common. He's ready to settle down with someone who's done with going out and she's telling him how she's so done with that lifestyle too and she only goes when she gets dragged out. She's telling him how she wants someone that's going to put her first, open doors, send flowers, pull out chairs and he's telling her how he's always wanted to be that guy. Perfect match, right?
They are becoming somewhat distant to their close friends and family because it's getting serious and they've longed for this feeling. They're only 3 months into the dating phase but that's all they need to see, they trust one another, it's time for the next step.
The Honeymoon Phase
They're 6-7 months in and they've both finally agreed to make a commitment to each other because they feel this is the next step. They're inseparable. Every weekend he's at her house or she's at his, true lovebirds. They've both introduced each other to important family and friends. Pictures on social media from every outing start to appear. It's like anything you've ever wanted. First you think about it, then you dream about it, then you try to obtain it, then you do, then you and that thing become inseparable, and then....
The Real Them
They're a year and a half in and although sex and physical attraction has been there it has become normal. They don't look forward to seeing each other as much because they are always around each other. She just wants company while he just wants sex. She misses her friends, he misses his. Little by little, the chairs stop being pulled out and flowers stop being sent. They both start making more plans without one another because they feel they need space. Both parties start looking for more in one another. Questions start to arise from within. Is this Foreal? Is this too good to be true? They've both been hurt before so doubt naturally sets in and once there's doubt, people pull back, sometimes unbeknownst to themselves. A feeling of fear sets in. They thought they were ready but maybe they aren't, maybe deep down they just really felt this would end up like all of the other relationships they've been in. At a dead end.
The Dead End
they're 2-3 years in and they are seeing each other less and less now, to the point where both feel the other might be seeing someone else. They still spend time but now it's only because they feel it's mandatory to do so to keep the other party happy and not because they want to themselves. Some days are good but more days are bad. Resentment is starting to set in because, whatever happened to that person from stage 1? Both parties feel lied to and mislead. They're arguing daily at this stage and feel it's time to cut their losses. And it is at this point where two people decide whether this is a dead end or simply a road block. Some couples have the strength, will, and desire to truly fix whatever issues they have and get to the root of whatever issues there are while others have already moved on mentally and physically. And for the people that make it past this stage...
The Compromise
This is the stage where both parties finally lay their cards out and discuss their real expectations based on things they've learned throughout the relationship.
During every relationship, you learn things about yourself and not only that, but in the first stages, you find yourself not being real with yourself or to the other party and tend to lead with things that you feel each other will agree on. You bend your standards because you're really into someone and are willing to do anything to find that true love. But is it true if it's based on deception?
In this stage, both parties have already been through hell and back and feel they can finally be honest because there's less fear of things not working out. This type of honesty can make any bond stronger. Yes, it should have started out this way, but rarely does it.
The truth is, when people are complaing about not being in a relationship, they forget that so many relationships are formed this way. I'm not trying to scare anybody from love, just preparing them for the storm. And just like in life, after every storm, you access the damage, the probability of it continuing, and you either relocate or you rebuild. Only the strong survive....
Salute.
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