Cheat Codes

So you met someone, you guys spent a few weeks talking over the phone and finally agree to go out to dinner. Things are going well and they ask you something along the lines of "so what are you looking for in a person?". Without hesitation, you proceed to go into this long list of characteristics you're seeking in a mate. And it seems like every characteristic you mention, this person seems to be in agreement with you on. The situation seems perfect and you believe you've found the one.

But now, a few months go by and you notice something, that although this person is trying to be what you need, it seems to be a bit of a struggle which is unexpected for someone who gave you the impression that they were naturally the person you were looking for. They are trying and you give them credit for that, however deep down, you know this is a recipe for disaster and here you are thinking you're wasting your time with the wrong one.

Dating should be the stage where you are both figuring each other out, but if someone is interested in you for whatever reason and you're giving that person the game plan to making you happy, you're essentially letting them off of the hook as it pertains to showing you who they are. You want someone who's genuine, who can be themselves, who makes you happy effortlessly, but in an effort to win you over, people tend to be something they are not and as time goes by you start to find out the real them.

People have become so focussed on not wasting time that they don't spent much time getting to know one another. Dating has become simplistic. "Im looking for this, what are you looking for?" We're either a perfect match or not and we are either going to move on from each other or move forward based on what's said. Things are rushed, less genuine, and far less organic that way. I'm much more interested in your actions than I am your intentions so it's become almost pointless to make a decision based on a few conversations. Show me who you are and I'll show you who I am.

I'm no longer into changing people, I'd rather meet people who embody what I'm looking for, naturally. When people have to change who they are to make you happy, it often leaves them unhappy and that can make for a toxic relationship in the end. Ultimately, there's really only one way to protect yourself from the disingenuous nature of certain individuals you come across.

So let's rewind back a few months, to that very first date and they ask "so what are you looking for in a person?". I simply say, "honestly, someone who can be themselves around me, who I'm happy with while they are being themselves. I look forward to getting to know you better." This sets the tone that you're not going to give them the game plan to make you happy, and that they will have no choice but to be genuine and figure out if there is any true compatibility.

We're all trying to win, but it might really be a losing proposition to give someone the cheat codes to winning you over. I'm just saying.

Let me know what you think.