Hoe Facts: A double standard or a difference of the sexes

Let's have an intelligent discussion. Agree or disagree:

Women are always asking why they are considered hoes for being as easy as men.

Well first and foremost, this is incorrect. A man can be a hoe, the inconsistencies stem from whether it's looked at as a good or bad thing. The term hoe doesn't carry a negative stigma for men within the male community because having sex for a man is a challenge. It's not as easy for us to find a woman to have sex with unless we are extremely attractive, have money, or status. Also, men are usually the hunters in the situation while women sit back and analyze who's hunting, but again the rules change unless the man has at least one of those three things I listed.

The average woman on the internet whether she looks good or not can post a somewhat revealing photo and get takers at the snap of a finger. So for women, since it's easy to have sex or find sexual partners, she has the expectation to withhold what is valuable to her. If a woman is saying yes to everybody, she's looked at as easy because it doesn't take effort. There is a reason why women can successfully sell pussy but most men cannot sell dick. Pussy holds more value and if you're giving it away easily, you are easy.

And if you need more clarification, just think, men aren't going around shaming each other for sleeping around, however women use this as a shaming tactic within their own communities, against each other.

Thoughts?

The Lonely Barber - What We Can Learn from Him

A lot of women I've come across state that they are not willing to date a man that's entertaining another/multiple women. The issue is, most go by this from jump.

Imagine walking into a barbershop on a Friday. Every chair is taken except for one. The barber looks at you and says, "you trying to get cut? I gotchu". A man's logic in this situation would wonder why there's no one in his chair on a Friday. There's gotta be a reason. By the logic of a lot of the women I've encountered, it would be no issue, they feel lucky. Up until they get home and see the chaos confusion on their(son's) head. I've given the 'lonely barber' a chance before and it was never a long term thing. I needed to get cut, his chair was open, I had no intention on returning. Til' this day, I've never gotten cut by the lonely barber and had a good experience.

I say all of this to say,

If you seek a man that's of value, you have to expect he might have options before you. You also have to expect that he isn't just going to simply cut off all of his options from jump. It's up to you to stand out in order for him to see you as his only option. Personally, when I meet a woman that has a lot going for herself, I already know her inbox is full and she hasn't paid for dinner in months.

Ijs. Give me your thoughts though.

I'm Not Your Mother

It's 7pm, you just got home from a long day of work and you didn't get a chance to eat much. Your nails are dirty and chipped from the wear and tear of manual labor, not to mention your back is killing you.

You walk into the house and your wife is relaxing on the couch watching the newest episode of Love & Hip Hop. You walk into the kitchen, and there's nothing cooked to eat so you take some food out that you can prepare after you take your shower. After your shower, you proceed to not only make yourself something, but her as well. Later on that night, you're both laying in bed, and she notices you're bothered so she asks "what's wrong?". You tell her that you're just very tired after working long hours and was a little upset that there was nothing prepared to eat when you got home. She responds that she's has to work as well and just wanted to relax. But then she utters those dreadful words "you know, I'm not your mother!".

This topic has always been interesting to me because as a young man growing up, I was definitely accustomed to a certain lifestyle. My mother didn't want us in the kitchen, everyday she worked tirelessly to make sure we didn't need for anything. If we were hungry, she cooked. If we were feeling sick, she took care of us, wrapped us tight in blankets and proceeded to check on us every so often to make sure we were okay. If we needed words of encouragement, she was right there, consoling us, sharing uplifting words to get us out of whatever mental funk we were in. And now as an adult, and ready for a wife, I can't rely on my mother to do those things any longer nor was I conditioned to do them day in and day out. Sure, I've learned to do them for survival, but nothing beats being appreciated for being the man who works hard, provides, leads, and protects, by the one you're sharing your life with.

(I must state first and foremost that I'm a conservative thinker. So when a woman thinks that a man's role is to simply work, that's inaccurate to me. For instance, in a situation where I'm working 70 hours and she's working 30-40, it's not an even scale. Also, if the man is bringing home significantly more than the woman, it's also not an even scale. If a woman wants to simply use the idea that she works as much as the man, all things must line up fair enough for her to assume the role of provider if the man was to lose his job or get hurt. Think of it like this, if both parties work the same amount of hours and make the same amount of money and both parties cook but the man makes top ramen and hot dogs for dinner while the woman makes 4 course meals on her nights. The woman might feel as if he's not pulling his weight unless he's pulling his weight in another area.

 Women have a tendency live a lifestyle based on a joint income and not a sole income, this is why the breadwinner in the relationship is still looked at as the provider. Men on average statistically save more and invest more so when a man gets a new job or new position at work, he's more likely to think how much he can save and invest while a woman is thinking about how they can upgrade their lifestyle.

As a conservative thinker, I must position myself to take care of myself and my household. I'm not fulfilled when I need a woman's income to survive. If she wants to work then that is her choice but she will know that her working is not part of the deal when it comes to me. I need a partner, and if my job is to protect, lead, provide, do the heavy lifting, take care of the house cosmetically etc etc, the perfect partnership doesn't come from me wanting someone that does the same things, it comes from me wanting someone who compliments the things I need outside of the things I already do. A man cannot ask a woman that works as much as he does to bare the brunt of the burden in the household which is why I've cooked and cleaned just as much as the women I was involved with.

What women don't understand in this, is how this element of "we both work" has made many relationships feel like roomating. Sure, you can hire a chef or house cleaning service, but what happened to feeling special and appreciated in a relationship? How would women feel if the man never brought home gifts, flowers, or told her she was beautiful, told her he was appreciative of her, or plannrd dates and trips, because of "I work too, so It should be 50/50"?

Fact of the matter is, men have certain things they need in order to feel special just like women. Not all men are conservative like me but the point is, we must get back to finding what things make each other feel special and not strictly rely on services to meet those needs but on each other to build a connection through them.)

As a father of a beautiful daughter, I may not be as consoling, I may not be as sensitive, or uplifting with a kinder approach, although I try. What I'm good at is making sure that my daughter feels safe, making sure financially she's taking care of, and being an overall example of what a man should be. And when that day comes when she's dating and a young man approaches me for her hand in marriage, I am essentially handing over that responsibility to him. He's not me, and cannot be me, but it is important to know that I didn't condition her to be me either, I conditioned her to know what to look for by being an example of that, to ensure that she would never have to worry about having being me.

So is it that far fetched for a man to look for a woman that can carry that torch as well? Especially if he's carrying the torch your father once carried?

Mothers coddle their sons because they know that no one is going to love them like they can and in this day in age where a lot of mothers are doing it by themselves or at least doing the brunt of the work raising children, men are more dependant on their mothers love than ever.

So fast forward, years later, when he's left the nest and is looking for a wife but is running into the kind of road blocks a lot of men are in this independent driven dating scene, he must ask, "is it worth it?". If he has to build for himself as a man and also carry his mother's torch for himself, what's the purpose of having a partner? After all, a partner's purpose should be to make things easier, no? And if we we're taught from our father's to work hard, provide, lead, and protect, it becomes a clash to partner up with someone who only offers the same things. Am I asking for women to be less driven? No. What I'm saying is it might be more beneficial long term to his fullfilment to understand the lifestyle he was accustomed to before you.

All in all, we don't need you to be our mother, we have one, but it would be nice to feel appreciated in the manner we grew up appreciating, ourselves. I'm just saying.

Let me know what you think.

Cheat Codes

So you met someone, you guys spent a few weeks talking over the phone and finally agree to go out to dinner. Things are going well and they ask you something along the lines of "so what are you looking for in a person?". Without hesitation, you proceed to go into this long list of characteristics you're seeking in a mate. And it seems like every characteristic you mention, this person seems to be in agreement with you on. The situation seems perfect and you believe you've found the one.

But now, a few months go by and you notice something, that although this person is trying to be what you need, it seems to be a bit of a struggle which is unexpected for someone who gave you the impression that they were naturally the person you were looking for. They are trying and you give them credit for that, however deep down, you know this is a recipe for disaster and here you are thinking you're wasting your time with the wrong one.

Dating should be the stage where you are both figuring each other out, but if someone is interested in you for whatever reason and you're giving that person the game plan to making you happy, you're essentially letting them off of the hook as it pertains to showing you who they are. You want someone who's genuine, who can be themselves, who makes you happy effortlessly, but in an effort to win you over, people tend to be something they are not and as time goes by you start to find out the real them.

People have become so focussed on not wasting time that they don't spent much time getting to know one another. Dating has become simplistic. "Im looking for this, what are you looking for?" We're either a perfect match or not and we are either going to move on from each other or move forward based on what's said. Things are rushed, less genuine, and far less organic that way. I'm much more interested in your actions than I am your intentions so it's become almost pointless to make a decision based on a few conversations. Show me who you are and I'll show you who I am.

I'm no longer into changing people, I'd rather meet people who embody what I'm looking for, naturally. When people have to change who they are to make you happy, it often leaves them unhappy and that can make for a toxic relationship in the end. Ultimately, there's really only one way to protect yourself from the disingenuous nature of certain individuals you come across.

So let's rewind back a few months, to that very first date and they ask "so what are you looking for in a person?". I simply say, "honestly, someone who can be themselves around me, who I'm happy with while they are being themselves. I look forward to getting to know you better." This sets the tone that you're not going to give them the game plan to make you happy, and that they will have no choice but to be genuine and figure out if there is any true compatibility.

We're all trying to win, but it might really be a losing proposition to give someone the cheat codes to winning you over. I'm just saying.

Let me know what you think.

Power exchange

The man has all of the cards BEFORE commitment. Because ultimately, what most men are looking for can be bought whether directly or indirectly with no emotional attachment and can also be found in women who've given into their own desires. What a woman is looking for cannot be bought, she needs emotional investment from a man and for a good man, she will go through leaps and bounds for due to scarcity. However, once commitment comes into play and she's caught her prey, she begins a series of tactics that contribute to a man losing his power little by little. I'll list these layers of commitment below:

1. Dating exclusively
2. Moving in together
3. Marriage
4. Kids

After step 4, he might as well tattoo her name on his balls.

Ultimately, a man's safe zone is the non-exclusive date zone. Do NOT cross into the dating exclusively zone if you want to continue to keep your power. Wait until after your prime (45) to settle down like women do after their primes(30)

5 Things Men Should Continue To Do Once They Enter Into A Relationship

It's been 10 years now that you've been in your relationship. You love your woman and she loves you but you feel like the passion is gone. The way she looks at you just isn't the same and you can't quite put your finger on what it is that's changed. All you know is you're bored with the routine and the relationship as a whole is missing that spark it once had. 

It's easy to lose yourself in someone once you enter into a relationship. As men, we love the chase and we do whatever is necessary to court a woman successfully but once we have done so, now what? Below I'm going to list some popular things that we do when we're single that often times stop once we get involved with someone.

1. Maintaining friendships - I think this is 1 thing that most people end up losing without even realizing it. You become involved with someone and immediately, you start becoming more and more distant but remember this, great friends are like family, they will have your back if and when the relationship fails, but that's if you choose to keep them around, and not just when it's convenient for you.

2. Being social - a lot of people are only going out to meet others so I think it's natural to stop going out, or as much as before you found love. With that said, I still think it's important to maintain a social life outside of your relationship. As they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Allow yourself to miss your partner from time to time by maintaining your social life and hobbies.

3. Working out - your partner is attracted to you for several reasons, one of those being physical attraction but sometimes we get lazy. Men are hunters and once the hunt is over, you become relaxed. And while your woman might say she still loves you, which I'm sure she does, just ask her who her favorite celerity crush is. It's most likely not someone with a beer-belly. Always stay in hunt mode, even when the hunt is dormant.

4. Working hard - financial security should be a huge deal for any man seeking partnership and family, but working long hours can take its toll on any relationship. Of course you'll need balance but never allow a relationship to take you off of your grind. Plan better, make sure that when you do have free time, you think of your partner first but also remember that the grind comes first before all and that your hustle benefits her as well. If new and better opportunities present themselves to you, do what's best for you long term. A good woman will be supportive of that. 

5. Grooming yourself/keeping your image - if you were going to the barbershop every two weeks when you were in the dating stages, keep going after. If you've always focused on looking good and keeping up with fashion, continue to do so. Remember, the best way to keep a woman on her toes in terms of attraction is to not only be attactive to her but to others as well. As possessive as women may appear to be, they do have the prize winner mentality. The feeling that  she's got you and nobody else. 

Bottom line, we complain so much about our relationships becoming stagnant and our partners becoming complacent but I truly believe that complacency within a relationship starts with us on a personal level. And then we end up searching for new ways to re-ignite this spark we once had, but perhaps, we should have never let it go out in the first place. Instead of crowding each other, give each other space by maintaining some semblance of who you were before you started talking to each other. I'm just saying...

Thanks for reading.

Food for thought: Sex, Time, and Emotional Energy.

"The American psychology researcher Roy Baumeister of Florida State University has been advancing for some time now an interesting theory that analyzes the sexual act from an economic perspective. According to Baumeister, heterosexual sex can be understood as a marketplace in which men are the buyers and women are the sellers. According to this analysis, sex is essentially a female resource. In other words, female sexual activity is much in demand and has high social value, in contrast to male activity, which is plentiful and easy to come by and therefore worthless. A woman’s sexual consent is a valuable asset that may command a high price. Because his sex has no value in the market, the man, seeking to 'purchase' female sex, is required to bring other valuable social resources to the transaction, such as attention, time, love, respect, commitment, money, status, etc." -Noam Shpancer Ph.D./Psychology today

One can easily make the case that women value sex more because men do. Nevermind the time invested which I feel should be held in higher regard than sex or the emotional energy invested which I also feel should be held in higher regard. The one thing she'll make you wait for, for weeks or months even, is sex. But get this, when you have sex and leave her high & dry because that's all you wanted, she hates herself because of how much time and energy she invested in you.

Maybe the truth is, if men placed more value on a woman's time or their emotional energy, that's exactly what we'd be holding out for, for weeks or months. That's what men do, dangle their time and emotional energy in front of women in a game of keep-away while they are withholding the thing we want the most. The difference is, men are willing to play the game until they get what they want whilst women will not give in until they feel 'sure'. 

But can you ever be sure how a man will act after you've given in to his sexual desires without actually giving into them? Many have tried, many have failed as they say.

Think about this though. It might be less time consuming for women if they actually knew how men would react to them post-sex before they invested time and energy into them, rather than that being the last thing on their list of check-offs.

It's possible that because of my particular difference of opinion regarding sex, that I'm going off on a limb here. To me, sex, like the dollar bill, has been given it's value in society but really when you look at it, it's just a piece of paper that we chose to give value. I personally tend to place more value on my time because that's something that I will never get back. I place more value with emotional investment because a bad experience can scar me for years. Bad sex is just that.

But don't worry, I know society is critical of this thought process, however, a different one may be needed to reach a different result. To each their own, though.

I'm just saying.