5 Things Men Should Continue To Do Once They Enter Into A Relationship

It's been 10 years now that you've been in your relationship. You love your woman and she loves you but you feel like the passion is gone. The way she looks at you just isn't the same and you can't quite put your finger on what it is that's changed. All you know is you're bored with the routine and the relationship as a whole is missing that spark it once had. 

It's easy to lose yourself in someone once you enter into a relationship. As men, we love the chase and we do whatever is necessary to court a woman successfully but once we have done so, now what? Below I'm going to list some popular things that we do when we're single that often times stop once we get involved with someone.

1. Maintaining friendships - I think this is 1 thing that most people end up losing without even realizing it. You become involved with someone and immediately, you start becoming more and more distant but remember this, great friends are like family, they will have your back if and when the relationship fails, but that's if you choose to keep them around, and not just when it's convenient for you.

2. Being social - a lot of people are only going out to meet others so I think it's natural to stop going out, or as much as before you found love. With that said, I still think it's important to maintain a social life outside of your relationship. As they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Allow yourself to miss your partner from time to time by maintaining your social life and hobbies.

3. Working out - your partner is attracted to you for several reasons, one of those being physical attraction but sometimes we get lazy. Men are hunters and once the hunt is over, you become relaxed. And while your woman might say she still loves you, which I'm sure she does, just ask her who her favorite celerity crush is. It's most likely not someone with a beer-belly. Always stay in hunt mode, even when the hunt is dormant.

4. Working hard - financial security should be a huge deal for any man seeking partnership and family, but working long hours can take its toll on any relationship. Of course you'll need balance but never allow a relationship to take you off of your grind. Plan better, make sure that when you do have free time, you think of your partner first but also remember that the grind comes first before all and that your hustle benefits her as well. If new and better opportunities present themselves to you, do what's best for you long term. A good woman will be supportive of that. 

5. Grooming yourself/keeping your image - if you were going to the barbershop every two weeks when you were in the dating stages, keep going after. If you've always focused on looking good and keeping up with fashion, continue to do so. Remember, the best way to keep a woman on her toes in terms of attraction is to not only be attactive to her but to others as well. As possessive as women may appear to be, they do have the prize winner mentality. The feeling that  she's got you and nobody else. 

Bottom line, we complain so much about our relationships becoming stagnant and our partners becoming complacent but I truly believe that complacency within a relationship starts with us on a personal level. And then we end up searching for new ways to re-ignite this spark we once had, but perhaps, we should have never let it go out in the first place. Instead of crowding each other, give each other space by maintaining some semblance of who you were before you started talking to each other. I'm just saying...

Thanks for reading.

Food for thought: Sex, Time, and Emotional Energy.

"The American psychology researcher Roy Baumeister of Florida State University has been advancing for some time now an interesting theory that analyzes the sexual act from an economic perspective. According to Baumeister, heterosexual sex can be understood as a marketplace in which men are the buyers and women are the sellers. According to this analysis, sex is essentially a female resource. In other words, female sexual activity is much in demand and has high social value, in contrast to male activity, which is plentiful and easy to come by and therefore worthless. A woman’s sexual consent is a valuable asset that may command a high price. Because his sex has no value in the market, the man, seeking to 'purchase' female sex, is required to bring other valuable social resources to the transaction, such as attention, time, love, respect, commitment, money, status, etc." -Noam Shpancer Ph.D./Psychology today

One can easily make the case that women value sex more because men do. Nevermind the time invested which I feel should be held in higher regard than sex or the emotional energy invested which I also feel should be held in higher regard. The one thing she'll make you wait for, for weeks or months even, is sex. But get this, when you have sex and leave her high & dry because that's all you wanted, she hates herself because of how much time and energy she invested in you.

Maybe the truth is, if men placed more value on a woman's time or their emotional energy, that's exactly what we'd be holding out for, for weeks or months. That's what men do, dangle their time and emotional energy in front of women in a game of keep-away while they are withholding the thing we want the most. The difference is, men are willing to play the game until they get what they want whilst women will not give in until they feel 'sure'. 

But can you ever be sure how a man will act after you've given in to his sexual desires without actually giving into them? Many have tried, many have failed as they say.

Think about this though. It might be less time consuming for women if they actually knew how men would react to them post-sex before they invested time and energy into them, rather than that being the last thing on their list of check-offs.

It's possible that because of my particular difference of opinion regarding sex, that I'm going off on a limb here. To me, sex, like the dollar bill, has been given it's value in society but really when you look at it, it's just a piece of paper that we chose to give value. I personally tend to place more value on my time because that's something that I will never get back. I place more value with emotional investment because a bad experience can scar me for years. Bad sex is just that.

But don't worry, I know society is critical of this thought process, however, a different one may be needed to reach a different result. To each their own, though.

I'm just saying.

Rules Of Engagement: Tips on how men can gain more success approaching women

     

Feeling uncomfortable around others is one of the most common problems people have to contend with. There is a subcategory of such people who specifically have great difficulty communicating with members of the opposite sex. They have a fear of failure: a fear that members of the opposite sex will reject them. Although women suffer from approach anxiety, it is much more common with men."

~Morty Lefkoe/Huffington Post

You're in an establishment, you see a woman you're attracted to and decide to approach her to spark up a conversation. You have on a T-shirt which is wrinkled, pants that are sagging well below your waist line, you're hair looks like it hasn't been combed, you're hands and face like they haven't been lotioned, and your body, a slight hint of must. But that's not stopping you, you see nothing wrong and feel entitled even, enough to get through this difficult obstacle. Her, her attire is business casual, her hair nicely slicked back leading to a pony tail, her glasses on as she's reading what is perhaps a favorite novel of hers and hasn't given you or anyone else for that matter any signs that she's up for a conversation. So you approach this woman anyways and proceed with "hey baby what's good, I'm ____ what's your name? She looks up, doesn't smile, takes a gander at you from head to toe and tells you "I'm sorry but no thanks". You continue on with "oh you got a man or somn?" she proceeds with "no I'm just not interested, sorry." At this point you begin to insult her, you call her stuck up, and whatever other degrading names you could come up with to make her feel inferior to you all while the only thing you're doing is making her feel uncomfortable and ruining any chances you'll ever have with her.

  The truth is, this probably isn't the first time this has happened to her. I'd imagine it's tough being a beautiful woman trying to enjoy some time to yourself while out in public. Beautiful women get approached a lot, by all different types, some succeed while others fail but there is a key to that success and below I'm going to go over some of those keys that have helped myself and others to increase your chances with women In today's age. 

1. Hygiene

Women are very observant of little things. Thing that most men might not keep track of or pay attention to, a woman might have high on her list. Things like having your nails nice and clean, making sure you're moisturized, that you're clean and have a scent that is inviting. If you've ever smelled great and went to hug a female friend of yours, you noticed how long the hug was as opposed to when you don't smell great?

"if you smell good, even if you're not that cute it'll make me comfy and more likely to be like eeehhhh why not." ~@NicaRAWguenNERD/twitter

 A great scent can freeze a woman's train of thought temporarily and most of the time they will compliment you on that. "A great scent brings togetherness" . Make sure to find the perfect balance of scent types between soap, deodorant, body spray, and cologne and remember too much of any of it is a turn off.

2. Presentation

Hygiene is very much a part of how you present yourself but in this instance, I'm speaking more towards attire and not just what you wear but how you wear it.

"The driven man stays prepared. Regardless of what activity he's partaking in, he knows at any moment he might come across the perfect opportunity."

You don't need to put on an Armani suit everyday to impress women. Just make sure your clothes are clean, not dingy, stained, or wrinkled. Make sure they are worn properly, or atleast in a manner that would portray you to be someone that this particular woman you're approaching would take seriously. For instance, if she's dressed similar to the woman in the example in the opening paragraph, why would you approach her dressed in a manner that only a young woman yet to mature would find appealing? Even if you're in a work uniform, make sure it's up to par.

3. Reading energy

Not every woman is looking to meet someone. Sometimes they really just want to get out of the house and enjoy the day by taking a walk or reading at a park or establishment. It's up to you as a man to read her energy and feed off of it.

 Imagine you're focused playing Madden or 2k17, it's the 4th qtr and it's tied where every possession is crucial. Now imagine a woman approaching you during this time when you've given her no signs that you were even interested in meeting her let alone anybody. It would be kind of annoying to be honest.

If a woman seems focussed on something then I personally leave her be but if her attitude seems rather free flowing, she's checking the room out, she's smiling at people that walk by, you guys have locked eyes a few times even, and she's smiled, that's a good time to approach and engage.

4. Space provides better opportunity

When you do approach her, make sure to give her space. To most women, a man's physique is already intimidating enough and the last thing you want to do is make a woman feel uneasy. At that point she's thinking more about what your immediate intentions are rather than what you're saying which is most important. Measure your arm, and keep at a distance of an arm and a half length. This of course if you're not in a place where it's loud. (I personally hate having conversations over loud music. But that's just me). In that case then yes, it's okay to break the arm and a half barrier and I'm sure she's okay with that being in an environment which requires someone to invade her space for her to fully hear what they're saying. I recommend not talking into her face, however. Have eye contact when she's talking and direct your words towards her ear. Bottom line, regardless of whether your breath smells good or not, I'm sure she doesn't want it in her face.

"What makes me uneasy is if he approaches me with a crowd and is really aggressive." ~LoveTeish/Twitter

When out and about or with a group of friends, it's important to understand that that experience can be intimidating for a woman as it can be for you if she's with a group of friends. It's best to ask for her permission to speak with her alone or away from the crowd. 

5. Friendly conversation

Any smart woman knows what a man is after when he approaches her but that doesn't mean you should come in hot with a clear agenda. Easing into that agenda is best. It displays your creativity and also your interest level in something other than just the task at hand. There's always something to open up a conversation with that's relatable to where you are or what you're doing. I'll give an example of this below:

Example 1: You're at a bar or restaurant you see a woman order a drink or something to eat.

Him: "Question, I don't mean to bother you but how is that(drink or meal)? I've thought about trying it but I need an honest opinion before I do."

How she answers will tell you if it's okay to continue on with this conversation with her or not. I'll give you an example below of two different answers where you should proceed and not proceed.

Proceed: (she smiles back, slightly turning to face you) "oh it's okay, not a problem! I actually love it! You should really try it!" (she goes into a brief discription on what she likes about it.)

Do NOT proceed: (she seems startled upon your question, she looks briefly in your direction and looks down or away as she replies) "it's okay, and I like it.

The energy in both answers varies drastically if you notice. In the first example, she seems rather inviting, engaging, willing to carry on an actual conversation. Meanwhile in the second example, she seems closed off, short, and bothered. These things work better with actual women rather than the "hey Lil momma" she's used to.

6. Confidence

I asked about 15 or so different women what turned them on the most when a man approaches them and out of the 15, 9 said confidence.

"I’ve said it a bazillion times…great women don’t see a man as potential “relationship material” based on his looks, money, or cheesy pick-up lines. When it comes to figuring out if a particular guy might be “Mr. Right,” the first thing most women look for are sure signs of confidence." ~David DeAngelo/Dating Secrets

Think of it like a job interview. You can go into the job interview with the attitude and approach that you need this particular job or that this job needs you. And these things don't need to be said, it shows in your actions, your tone, and your demeanor. When speaking, be firm, guide the conversation, look her in the eye when speaking and when listening to what she's saying. Confidence is sexy and can tell a woman what she needs to know about a man.

7. Compliments

It's okay to compliment a woman but be careful to not come off as creep while doing so. One rule of thumb if you're going to compliment a woman on her natural physical appearance is to keep it above the mouth(lol). Things like "you have very pretty eyes" or "I love that hair style" are an innocent way to compliment a woman without it being a dead giveaway that you've been checking other 'parts'of her out. It's also okay to compliment her sense of style without it relating to how it fits on her or even her perfume.

8. Pressure busts pipes and also pushes women away

I'm a very private person. I really don't like people I don't really know knowing my government name or my number. These things regardless of what you may think are very personal aspects of a person's life yet after 30 seconds of engaging with someone, we ask for a name and 2 minutes later we ask for a number. Simply asking for these things can be a turnoff to someone as they feel pressured to give them up. The most effective way I've had success with these things is to offer my information first. After the initial stages of engaging, "I'm sorry I'm(insert name)". If she's feeling you then you've made it to phase two and upon closing the conversation with her, I offer my contact information. "I really enjoyed talking to you and would love to continue on with this conversation with you sometime if you don't mind, here's my number.". 9 times out of 10 if she's feeling you, She'll either offer to give you her number, call/text you on the spot to give you hers, or give it some time before she does but in almost all cases they at the very least accept the number and at least you don't walk away from the situation feeling like you've failed. Which brings me to my next point.

9. Accepting failure

I'm going to be honest, you could follow none of these steps and have success with women or follow all of them and have zero success. It all depends on the woman and knowing which approach works best. Regardless, accept defeat gracefully.

Imagine you're a basketball player in high-school during a big game, there's a scout there who's watching you and another player. At the end of the of the game he decides to speak to the other player and not you so you flip out, curse him out, call him old, and tell him he knows nothing about the game of basketball. You've just killed your chances at this particular scout ever giving you a chance again when he might have before your tirade.

"Doesn't make me think twice about turning him down LOL but he gains my respect. I made a friend that way. Turned him down. Saw him 5 more times after that. Finally exchanged numbers and are friends." ~@BBinternational/twitter

You might have failed with her but how you handle failure could leave a lasting impression with her. She's been degraded by everyone else so depending on how you handle it, it could very well lead to gaining her respect and you developing at the very least, a friendship.


I've spent days preparing everything you've just read and I can sum it up in a few sentences:

*Don't be annoying
*Don't be a creep
*Don't pressure

If everybody had a full grasp on what those things meant, they'd have a much clearer understanding of how they come off. I'm not saying this is the Holy grail but it's my holy grail so I'm going to preach the good word and hopefully it helps someone like it has me. Stay thirsty my friends... Wait.. No... Ahh fahget-it.

Salute!

A Tainted View: 4 stages of the modern day relationship

Whatever happened to meeting someone who's real, being honest about who they are and maintaining who they are throughout the remainder of the relationship. Nowadays it seems everyone that's in a relationship is unhappy and everybody that's not in one wants to be in one.

But see, there's this idea in every single person's head that this fairytale relationship is easy to obtain. That because they are ready to be real with someone that finding someone that can be real should be easy. And the truth is, it's not. The truth is, the majority of relationships will go through these 4 stages that I'm going to list below.

Maybe I'm tainted by my own experiences and others close to me. Maybe I see the world through a different lense. Maybe I just call it like I see. You tell me.

                    The Dating Phase

Ah yes, two people finally meet. They spend long hours on the phone talking about interests, goals, whatever expectations they have and it just seems like there's nothing they don't have in common. He's ready to settle down with someone who's done with going out and she's telling him how she's so done with that lifestyle too and she only goes when she gets dragged out. She's telling him how she wants someone that's going to put her first, open doors, send flowers, pull out chairs and he's telling her how he's always wanted to be that guy. Perfect match, right?

They are becoming somewhat distant to their close friends and family because it's getting serious and they've longed for this feeling. They're only 3 months into the dating phase but that's all they need to see, they trust one another, it's time for the next step.

                   The Honeymoon Phase

They're 6-7 months in and they've both finally agreed to make a commitment to each other because they feel this is the next step. They're inseparable. Every weekend he's at her house or she's at his, true lovebirds. They've both introduced each other to important family and friends. Pictures on social media from every outing start to appear. It's like anything you've ever wanted. First you think about it, then you dream about it, then you try to obtain it, then you do, then you and that thing become inseparable, and then....

                   The Real Them

They're a year and a half in and although sex and physical attraction has been there it has become normal. They don't look forward to seeing each other as much because they are always around each other. She just wants company while he just wants sex. She misses her friends, he misses his. Little by little, the chairs stop being pulled out and flowers stop being sent. They both start making more plans without one another because they feel they need space. Both parties start looking for more in one another. Questions start to arise from within. Is this Foreal? Is this too good to be true? They've both been hurt before so doubt naturally sets in and once there's doubt, people pull back, sometimes unbeknownst to themselves. A feeling of fear sets in. They thought they were ready but maybe they aren't, maybe deep down they just really felt this would end up like all of the other relationships they've been in. At a dead end.

                    The Dead End

they're 2-3 years in and they are seeing each other less and less now, to the point where both feel the other might be seeing someone else. They still spend time but now it's only because they feel it's mandatory to do so to keep the other party happy and not because they want to themselves. Some days are good but more days are bad. Resentment is starting to set in because, whatever happened to that person from stage 1? Both parties feel lied to and mislead. They're arguing daily at this stage and feel it's time to cut their losses. And it is at this point where two people decide whether this is a dead end or simply a road block. Some couples have the strength, will, and desire to truly fix whatever issues they have and get to the root of whatever issues there are while others have already moved on mentally and physically. And for the people that make it past this stage... 

                       The Compromise

This is the stage where both parties finally lay their cards out and discuss their real expectations based on things they've learned throughout the relationship. 

During every relationship, you learn things about yourself and not only that, but in the first stages, you find yourself not being real with yourself or to the other party and tend to lead with things that you feel each other will agree on. You bend your standards because you're really into someone and are willing to do anything to find that true love. But is it true if it's based on deception?

 In this stage, both parties have already been through hell and back and feel they can finally be honest because there's less fear of things not working out. This type of honesty can make any bond stronger. Yes, it should have started out this way, but rarely does it.

The truth is, when people are complaing about not being in a relationship, they forget that so many relationships are formed this way. I'm not trying to scare anybody from love, just preparing them for the storm. And just like in life, after every storm, you access the damage, the probability of it continuing, and you either relocate or you rebuild. Only the strong survive....

Salute.

Wannabe

This goes out to the internet flexers, flexing for approval, be weary of the types, most are trying to fool you,

Pictures of new shoes, expensive clothes, "oh he bragging on em", flip his collar inside out, look, the tag still on em,

You ain't gotta lie Craig, there's proof, you see, for every lie you tell there's someone that knows the truth,

Sleeping at different people houses because you can't afford the cost of living, oh you shittin' on everybody but ain't got a pot to piss in,

Skipping breakfast because you're broke, ramen noodles for dinner, but here you are online Tryna prove you're a winner,

Cmon brotha, let's get it right, because what's the point of living if you ain't living right?

Be true to yourself, ask for guidance from those doing better ask how they accumulate wealth,

You can be whatever you want to be, that's for ccertain you can be someone that everybody wants to be, not some wanna be version.

I wish somebody told me, see that's why I'm so hard on you because when I look at you, I see the old me..

Salute ~J.M

Are You Ready?

You pray for a King but are you ready,

You want him, his thick skin, his long beard, his strong arms, his deep voice, but are you ready?

Are you ready to let him lead, to truly be able to take a deep breath and a step back and utter the words "he's got this, I trust him I believe in him, I support him, with him I fail and with him I succeed!"

What's yours is his, and his is yours, making his life easier is no chore, to show your love in him when he's around and miss him the minute he walks out of that door..

Say amen if you're ready..

You see, I know you've been hurt, and regaining that trust takes hard work, but please, work with us, let us be your breath of fresh air..

Let him see inside your soul, and find what troubles you, be open to his warm embrace so that he can comfort you, again, I ask are you ready?

Ready to start your journey with him as your guide, ready for a life of truths and no lies, baby, are you ready... ~J.M/Are you ready

The Transition: Moving Along

Now that I've been settled for about a month, I've been asked a lot of the same questions over and over. Here are the top 10 questions I've been asked and how I answer them.

1. Isn't Vegas too hot?

A. Yes, it's definitely hot but AC is mandatory here and you can escape the heat if it's too much. In the Bay, my place didn't have AC and was poorly insulated so we couldn't escape the heat whenever it was hot. Plus it gets cold here too.

2. Don't you miss your family when you're at work? What about your family in the Bay?

A. Yup, I sure do but I've learned that missing them isn't necessarily a bad thing. I appreciate them more now than ever. Most of her family moved here so it's worked out for her and I stay with my mom/brother when I'm in the Bay so I actually see them a lot more now.

3. Why not just move further out to Stockton or Sac?

A. Well for one, those places to me are too much of a lifestyle shift. Vegas offers plenty of things to do every weekend if I choose to and if I don't, that's fine too, plus the drive would put extra wear and tear on my vehicle which has already taken a beating from driving Lyft.

4. How long do you intend to commute? Not going to transfer?

A. Not for right now because we are new here and if we don't like it, I don't want to be committed to Vegas, I can get almost everywhere from Frisco because its a hub station, I'd much rather stay planted there that way if we end up not liking this solution long term, I'm not stressing about work. Plus I'd lose my full time and lead position most likely.

5. But isn't it risky flying standby into work?

A. No because I buy my tickets under the UA discount program. They usually run me about $34-$44 and it's confirmed seating. Beats the $60-110 a week I was spending in the Bay.

6. Why Vegas?

A. It's cheap, 1hr commute to work, and my fiance has family here.

7. Isn't Vegas in the middle of nowhere though?

A. Technically yes, but it's a city like any other city, it has everything you need and more minus  the beaches and the times we want to go to a beach, we're actually closer to the best ones California has to offer than we were in the Bay.

8. Don't you get tired of working doubles?

A. I was actually working more when I was in the Bay because I had to. I now work 2-2.5 days a week and when I'm working I'm working, it goes by fast and when I'm home im home, fully invested in the lives of our children and home life. For me, it almost feels like I'm on vacation every week.

9. What made you move in the first place?

A. After raising our rent almost $400 with 3 months notice, I began to feel like I wasn't getting the most for my money. A 2 bedroom with 5 people wasn't ideal especially for what we were paying and after talking to several coworkers, I began to entertain the idea of commuting like them. I want to repair my credit, build a nice savings, enjoy vacations without feeling financially stressed and one day own property and I had a hard time seeing myself doing any of that in the situation we were living in.

10. Any concerns?

A. Yes, I've heard that the school systems were behind California's(CA is ahead of many places) so I'm going to keep a close eye on our children's education. We have daughter's and I'm not so sure this place is ideal for raising women but hopefully good parenting can help. Also, it's easy to get sucked into the culture here and there's tons of temptation everywhere, things that could easily rip families apart if you let them. Stay grounded and keep yourself occupied is my advice.

*drops mic* no more questions please! *walks out of press conference*.